The Scotsman - December 2, 2005
I was a danger to myself - and many other people...
by Nick Curtis
WHEN testing the efficiency of pills that promise to sharpen the mind,
it seems sensible to start with a mind that has been dulled in some way.
I therefore swallowed the magic tablets during breakfast, brutally hungover
and with a raging sore throat, following a late night of drinking.
I waited for icy brilliance to slice through the fuddled clouds stuffing
my head.It didn't. But lots of other things happened.
Specifically, nausea, dizziness, dryness of mouth and a growing feeling
of paranoia - a squadron of health-warning side effects. It felt like
getting the flu. Actually, I was getting the flu.
Everything I said sounded daft. Not funny-daft. Just idiotic.
Driving us all out to Beachy Head, I bumped the car into grass verges
and shot carelessly over a poorly marked junction.
An hour later, one of my companions tentatively suggested that, as night
had fallen, and we were speeding down pitch black country roads, I might
like to switch my headlights on. Clearly, this was no time to be operating
heavy machinery close to a precipitous cliff drop.
Back at the cottage, I felt less of a danger to myself and others, but
still sick and stupid. I came last in a game of cards, in the liars' dice
game, Perudo, and in a round of rude charades (don't ask). Conspicuously
un-energised and un-alert, I was the first in bed.
The next day, the hangover was better, my speculative flu had become
a decisive head-cold, and I felt sharper and more focused than I had been
under the influence of the pills.
In future, I think I'll pass on the pep pills and stick to the Scotch.
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